Introduction
I don't have a heart for fakers who shed crocodile tears nor do I have sentimental value for emotional basted-s. I'm the devil's work of art. Nobody knows me too much to hurt me neither does anyone knows me too deep to understand me.
Blogging
jus a teen's life
monday we planned to have a suprise bday celebration for cheng as we din get her anytin for her bday...so me,lynn n atria planned to get a cake for her...we wanted to share money (me,lynn,atria,sam n yi wen) to buy d cake from sim's mum bt sum hw we got it free as Sim was d one hu baked d tingy and it din turned out d way it was supposed to be(jus d height n all)
anyway,lynn practically told d hol world not to wish cheng tmr cus we reali wanted to suprise her...bt mana tau ty d spoiler wished her a hapi bday in d monin and gave her a cake frm secret reciepe....she damn spoiler la...anyway none of "us" wished her in d monin...
neway,skul bell rang and i had to go for d shitty guard of honour practise...i bumped into ma ex b4 d tingy started...it was sumtin unavoidable....i din expect to bum into her lik dat,side by side...she lik wanted to start tokin bt i jus looked down on the ground and walked away...it hapened a few times bt i jus walked off or pretend nt to noe dat she was tokin to me.In fact, we were switched to each otha side by side.jus wen u want her outa of ur sight...
anyway,half way durin d practise i sneaked out to celebrate cheng's bday as dey din allow us to go for 1st recesss...i can say dat the hol canteen knew it was her bday dat day as we sang her d bday song so freakin loud...lol...i manage to wish her den i had to go off d.
for once i felt like i was living a real teenage life,life wifout strings attached...cheng's bday reali opened up ma eyes,back to d real meaning of a teenage life...
jus wen i tot i could lead a REAL teenage life...
dat was yesterday,as for today, i din go skul...sick of practise and all dat rubish...i felt it was a real waste of time der in skul...so i woke up late and stuf lik dat and i jus threw maself on d bed and started studyin wif d discman's plugs on ma ear....i was listenin to d ol cd-s dat sam burn 4 me (last yer)...der came dis song "september ends".it reminded me of the times i spent wif her...well it wasn't "our song" bt it was a hit wen i was courtin her...i din expect maself to tink bek bt our past wen dat song was played (considerin it wasn't reali a luv song)..i started to miss her so badly and felt guilty for treating her so cold.
bt dat's d best tin i could do for her...yea i admit i'm jealous and sad too bt it's more den dat....if i continue on takin it like nutin had hapened i bet she would feel d pressure of mine on hers(as i would be more 'expressive')bsides, i dun wana b a "spoiler" of a relationship.It's gota b dis way...der's nutin else i could do but to back off.
i called her jus nw (due to desperation) as i needed sum1 to update me bt d practise and ma friens were already sleepin...i felt so damn guilty for doin dat.i did it in a kinda formal way so it's not so bad yet...i duno wad she's tinkin bt one tin for sure it was a mistake callin her...i promise it wun happen again...
it looks like dat i'm d one dat's hard bt deep inside it hurts so badly...it hurts to noe dat she's wif anotha person,it hurts dat i have to give ma fullest support to her,it hurts to leave her,cuttin all contacts while she din noe wad's hapenin,it hurts to c her getin into trouble n i can't do anytin bout it...all in all it all hurts so badly inside bt i can't show it,i can't say it. i could jus act like it doesn't infront of everyone bt it reali does...wad's d point of showin it to anyone,dey can't change netin...all i could do is to hide dis hurt so that she will neva noe hw muc she means to me...